Today we are going to look at some typical conflicts you might experience at lunch or break time at school.
And these conflicts start in the first place.
Please take notes as we go!
Sometimes conflicts start without you even being aware that you are getting yourself into what could be a nasty situation.
For example:
Trevor needed money for something and could not get it from home,
so he agreed to borrow it from Ivan at school.
It seemed as if Ivan was doing Trevor a favour, but what Trevor didn’t know was that Ivan was a loan-shark who was going to demand the money back from Trevor within a month…….with interest.
If Trevor would not be able to repay the money by the date agreed upon, the conflict between him and Ivan could become nasty.
Some learners have been badly beaten up or even killed in these situations.
Then we have conflicts that start with something small but unresolved which hurt your feelings, so you carry the grudge – the beef - around in you.
It is not easy to forget such resentments. Often we find ways of getting back at the other person, like in the story that follows:
Thembi was hurt because Govan said he did not have time to help her with her Maths homework.
The next day at school as their class was walking down the stairs to break, Thembi came up behind Govan and pushed him. Unfortunately he tripped and fell down the stairs.
Other conflicts start because of jealousy. For example: Catherine was hurt because her friend Nobuhle got better marks than her in an English poetry test.
Later Catherine started spreading rumours about Nobuhle having an affair with the English teacher.
Another reason conflicts start is because learners dare each other to prove they are “strong” or “courageous”. In one school learners started smoking dagga just to show they were cool and not “softies”.
And sometimes conflicts start off with what seemed at first like a “joke”.
In one school, guys would walk up to a girl at break time and grab her breasts or buttocks…and then run!
Some conflicts start because people do not respect other people’s rights or belongings…
…like when lunch money gets stolen…
…or books get taken to copy homework…
….or when guys forcibly hold up a girl in a quiet place away from other learners so they can sexually harass her…
...while filming what is happening with a cell phone.
And some conflicts simply start because we are over-sensitive, as the following two stories show.
Adam was sitting in the playground one day eating his lunch when a soccer-ball hit him on the head. He got so angry that he walked over to one of the players and kicked him in the stomach.
One break-time Lerato and her friends went to the toilet together where they were laughing and speaking Sesotho to one another.
Debbie was in one of the other cubicles. She does not understand Sesotho. When she came out, she turned to Lerato and said angrily, “What are you saying about me?”
This is what we call over-reacting, so they did not need to be angry.
Other conflicts start because of poor communication.
Like the next story:
Meisie always used to get a lift home with Shamima’s Mom. One day Meisie forgot to tell Shamima that she wasn’t going home with her that day because she had to go to town.
Shamima and her Mom waited for her for a long time until one of their classmates told them that Meisie had gone to town.
The next day Shamima shouted at Meisie calling her a selfish fool. Meisie got upset and hit Shamima. Shamima had a pen in her hand and stabbed her in the cheek, saying, “Don’t expect a lift from us anymore!”
Meisie furiously grabbed Shamima’s shirt and tore it, saying, “Well, your mother’s is not a good woman so I’m glad I won’t be in the same car as her anymore!”
These situations seem to be normal in schools nowadays.
How do you feel when you read these stories?
Think about it.
Have you recently witnessed any similar conflicts to the ones you have just read about?
It’s important to know and understand how conflicts happen so you can help prevent them in the future.
Yes! Take a look at some of the activities in this topic to learn more about your own anger buttons and how to prevent conflict from getting started by using I-messages.
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